Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Helpless.
This morning, a student had a seizure in my second hour class.
It was probably the scariest thing I've seen in my life, thus far. The worst part, the thing that I can't get out of my head, is that at first I thought he was goofing around. The students were working in groups, trying to get through "Clifford's first Valentine's Day" (en espanol) and I was walking around, checking on the groups. I happened to walk up to this student's group right before it all began. He was making some weird noises, but he wasn't convulsing or anything...it just looked like he was being a little goofy during group-work time. It wasn't until his eyes started to roll and his body began convulsing that it hit me - THIS WAS REAL.
And then it hit me. And overwhelming feeling of helplessness.
I'm just a student teacher, I don't know what to do in these types of situations. Do I call 911? Do I try and support his head? After a fleeting moment of being frozen to the spot, I called for my mentor teacher, who quickly gave me the extension to call the office while she tried to sit the student up. The school secretary called an ambulance, and sent some help to our room. After a couple minutes (which felt like an eternity....) a wheelchair, a hall monitor, and the school's police officer arrived at our room to help until the ambulance arrived.
All I could do was comfort my students, and again, I felt extremely helpless. Nothing I could say could change what had happened, so I did what I would have wanted for myself: I gave out tissues, hugs, and reassurances that they were taking good care of him and there was nothing that we could have done differently.
Does that mean I don't feel guilty for the few seconds I thought that he was kidding and not getting help sooner? Not at all. Am I so str0ng that this didn't shake me up? Yeah right...I'm as emotionally unstable as they come. But I did manage to hold it together to give support and comfort to my students. Once they'd gone on to their next class though, what had happened finally had the chance to sink in, and I'm left feeling dazed, shaken up, and scared.
Now, even 2 hours after it happened, my 4th hour students are splitting into groups to work through the Clifford story, it's replaying in my head over and over and I'm afraid it will happen again. I still feel helpless.
But, I learned today that I can stay strong in the face of an emergency and be the rock that my students need me to be, and for that, I am extremely proud and grateful.
It was probably the scariest thing I've seen in my life, thus far. The worst part, the thing that I can't get out of my head, is that at first I thought he was goofing around. The students were working in groups, trying to get through "Clifford's first Valentine's Day" (en espanol) and I was walking around, checking on the groups. I happened to walk up to this student's group right before it all began. He was making some weird noises, but he wasn't convulsing or anything...it just looked like he was being a little goofy during group-work time. It wasn't until his eyes started to roll and his body began convulsing that it hit me - THIS WAS REAL.
And then it hit me. And overwhelming feeling of helplessness.
I'm just a student teacher, I don't know what to do in these types of situations. Do I call 911? Do I try and support his head? After a fleeting moment of being frozen to the spot, I called for my mentor teacher, who quickly gave me the extension to call the office while she tried to sit the student up. The school secretary called an ambulance, and sent some help to our room. After a couple minutes (which felt like an eternity....) a wheelchair, a hall monitor, and the school's police officer arrived at our room to help until the ambulance arrived.
All I could do was comfort my students, and again, I felt extremely helpless. Nothing I could say could change what had happened, so I did what I would have wanted for myself: I gave out tissues, hugs, and reassurances that they were taking good care of him and there was nothing that we could have done differently.
Does that mean I don't feel guilty for the few seconds I thought that he was kidding and not getting help sooner? Not at all. Am I so str0ng that this didn't shake me up? Yeah right...I'm as emotionally unstable as they come. But I did manage to hold it together to give support and comfort to my students. Once they'd gone on to their next class though, what had happened finally had the chance to sink in, and I'm left feeling dazed, shaken up, and scared.
Now, even 2 hours after it happened, my 4th hour students are splitting into groups to work through the Clifford story, it's replaying in my head over and over and I'm afraid it will happen again. I still feel helpless.
But, I learned today that I can stay strong in the face of an emergency and be the rock that my students need me to be, and for that, I am extremely proud and grateful.
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